Showing posts with label Self-Help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Help. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Can Positive Thinking Get My Boyfriend Back

After going through a difficult breakup most people would be willing to try just about anything to stop the pain and get their love back.  If you have done everything you can think of to do and are now wondering, 'how to get back with ex husband?", then this article is for you.

There has been a lot of talk recently about the effects of positive thinking and how it can impact your daily life.  Using this process to get back with your boyfriend seems like a logical next step.  But it isn't the do all, end all you may have heard.  There is more to it than just the thinking part.

To successfully use positive thinking to make the desired changes in your life you have to remember that it takes two steps: picture what you want, and take specific action to make that want a reality. 

Just sitting around day dreaming about getting your boyfriend back won't do it.  But thinking about getting your boyfriend back while you take positive steps to make it happen will be more likely to work. 

So what positive steps should you be taking?  Usually this is where most people mess up, they take a lot of action but it's all the wrong kinds of action. 

You don't want to constantly text, email and call your ex.  That won't accomplish a thing except perhaps a restraining order.  What you want to do is leave it alone.  

I know this sounds wrong, but it's not.  No one is attracted to a clingy, weepy, desperate person and your ex won't be either.  You need to take a step back and spend some time working on  you.  Don't change who you are to get your boyfriend back, but honestly analyze any areas in your life that could use  a little change of attitude.  This is for you not for him. 

The beauty of this is that you make yourself into a better person all the while giving him time to miss you and remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. 

That way no matter what happens, whether you get back together or not, you will have grown as a person and will have more to offer whomever you find yourself in a relationship with. 

Can positive thinking get my boyfriend back?  Yes...sort of.  Just remember that positive thinking is only step 1 in a 2 step method.  Use both steps to have the absolute best chance of accomplishing your goals.
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Thursday, July 23, 2009

How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

Dead FlowersImage by Walt Jabsco via Flickr

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some clues:

· Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others
· While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it up.
· Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to “check up” on you.
· Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
· You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away. If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Restoring Trust in Relationships Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

Broken EggImage by TalAtlas via Flickr

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it. This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.
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Sunday, April 26, 2009

5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back

Valentines heartImage via Wikipedia

Relationships are fragile bonds that need to be built up and maintained in order to keep them healthy and allow them to flourish. Unfortunately, break ups do happen, and they are nerve wracking, stressful and frustrating. If you are involved in a relationship that breaks up, you may be thinking that you want to get back at your ex but is this really the best step to take? One of the most influential ways that you can actually get back at your ex will not only put your ex in an interesting predicament, but it may also repair the relationship by showing your ex how important you are and were to them. So not only are these 5 tips to get back at your ex but they are also excellent methods for getting your ex back as well.

1 - Be strong. No one needs the needy, and this saying applies very well when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop begging, clinging or exhibiting the behavior of someone who is feeling desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by acting strong and moving on. When you've moved on, your ex will realize that they have not.

2 - Minimize communication. Closing the doors of communication may appear counterintuitive when your primary focus is to rekindle things, but it is one of the most important steps when getting back at your ex or getting your ex back. Take a break from your ex, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.

3 - Be flexible. Do not be forceful with your ex, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date. Be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup came into play.

4 - Get the heck out! This is no time for you to be alone. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and enjoy some entertainment in your life. This may not mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to be getting out and enjoying your time with your friends. Not only will this be therapeutic for you, but it will also help convince your ex that they lost a gem.

5 - Simply be yourself. There was a really good reason for why you and your ex had a relationship to begin with, so go back to being yourself and let your ex remember why they loved you in the first place. This renewed self perception of your own self will surely rub off on your ex as well.

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

How Can I Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

Description unavailableImage by Always Be CoOL via Flickr

Most people find themselves asking "How can I get my ex girlfriend back" following a breakup. They begin to start thinking and philosophizing about everything that could have been done differently. They even begin to make plans about apology letters and other things that might be able to help them score their relationship back. They lose too much sleep.

This tends to be a dead end for one reason above all else: Because you can never really tell what the real reasons were behind a breakup. Women become emotional and sometimes they do not even know what led to the break up at hand and they may not know what is making them feel the way they do. In many circumstances it is only harmful to lose all your energy trying to figure out what went wrong.

The first main strategy to answer the question about "how can I get my ex girlfriend back" is to forget about the relationship for a while, putting your energy into something else. Go out, make friends, have fun, network, and forget about women in general. Set some realistic goals about expanding your repertoire when it comes to seduction and meeting people.

Give yourself a couple of months and make changes in your life. Take some time away from your ex and it will work wonders.

The effect that strategies like this will have, is that it will allow you to make gradual changes in your life. And in how you perceive the subject of relationships. After a few months, you may have a much better idea of how you want to proceed with your ex.

Do you still want to get back together with her? Or are you ready to move on? Act accordingly. If you still want to get back together with her, it might be time to figure out how she is feeling about you.

Now is your chance to be a little more direct when it comes to getting your ex girlfriend back. You need to play strategically, however. Do not simply beg her to get back with you, because this is not a good time to be emotional.

Instead, what you should be doing is playing things cool with your ex. If you have spent enough time apart from her, she is probably missing you as badly as you are missing her. Play hard to get a little (don't over do it) and show her that you are doing fine without her. This will inspire her to really rethink things.

And if getting back together with your ex really is meant to be, now is the time when it will become apparent. Be careful not to analyze things too much, because over analyzing may prevent you from acting the right way when trying to figure out "how can I get my ex girlfriend back". Just take things slow and play them cool and you should be fine. Most importantly, stop stressing about it.


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