How Do I Get Back With Ex Husband

From http://divorcerightstips.blogspot.com/

Divorce.  Yuck! Now that you've gone through that hell on Earth you may be starting to think that the whole thing was a huge mistake.  If you want to know how to get back with ex husband this article can help. 

If you went to a therapist after your divorce and asked how to get back with your ex one of the first things they would probably do is ask you why you wanted to take them back. 

That is a good question.  If you have had time to honestly evaluate your marriage and have come to the conclusion that you ended it too soon without trying hard enough to save it then that's one thing. 

But if you, like so many others, are just now facing the fear and uncertainty of being newly single and are starting to think being in a bad marriage is better than being alone you really need to  find some help to get over the feelings of loneliness and depression before you do something you'll regret. 

If you're positive that getting back with your ex is the best thing for both of you, here are a  few simple steps you can follow:

1) Try to talk to him.  Not yell or nag, but talk.  And listen.  Try to honestly and maturely discuss why the relationship ended.  What misunderstandings took you so far away from one another.  

If the two of you can honestly discuss how you're feeling, without recriminations, than you might actually see that you're not that far apart after all.  You have just been coming at it from opposite directions. 

2) Take some time to honestly evaluate what part you played in the deterioration of your marriage.  No one is ever completely blameless.  What was your part and are you willing to change whatever behavior it was that contributed to the breakup?

3) Try to find resources that will help the two of you communicate.  So many couples just have a hard time expressing themselves and listening to their partners.  If you can find a way to work around this you might have a shot at not only getting back with your ex but also of making your marriage what you'd truly like it to be. 

Divorce is one of the ugliest and most difficult things we can go through.  If you've come to the conclusion that yours was a mistake and you want to know how to  get back with ex husband then following these tips will be a good first step in the right direction.

How Can I Save Our Relationship- Is It Even Possible

I'm sorry.  If you're reading this you must be having a very rough time in your relationship.  I know how difficult that can be.  If you are asking, 'How can I save our relationship?" I do have some tips that might be able to make a difference for you and your partner.

There are a few things you have to consider very carefully and honestly first.  You have to decide why you want to save your relationship.  That might sound like a dumb comment to make but sometimes we cling to things that we should just let go.  We cling for the wrong reasons such as fear of being alone.  Before you invest too much time and emotion in trying to save your relationship first make sure that it should be saved.

Now that you've done your honest soul searching and  you've decided that your relationship is worth saving here are a few tips you can follow which should help:

1) It's not all about you.  So often in relationships one person tends to carry more of the burden.  They are the 'fixer'.  They are the ones who carry most of the emotional baggage.  If that person is you than you have to realize that you can't do it all.  If your relationship is going to be saved your partner has to be able, and willing, to meet you halfway.

2) Try to communicate without condemning or criticizing.  When a relationship starts to falter there are a lot of hurt feelings and frustrations from both parties.  These hurts can build up into a huge wall of resentment.  That wall is very tough to tear down.  It will take a lot of time, patience, and open communication.

If the two of you aren't good at communicating you might need to find resources such as a book or counseling, that can help you work on your communication skills.

3) Own it.  If you've screwed up you need to be a mature adult and admit your mistake and apologize for it.  This is key.  Remember in step 2 when I talked about resentments building up? You can do a lot to ease those resentments if you just own up to your mistakes and offer a sincere apology for the hurt you may have caused.  To someone who loves you and wants to make things work this will be a very sweet sound.

Follow these 3 steps and you will be well on  your way to answering the question " how can i save our relationship?".  Remember, the problems didn't spring up overnight and they're not going to go away overnight either.  But if the two of you are willing to work together you can get back the loving, fulfilling relationship you both want.

Do You Want To Save Your Marriage

I have one question for you: do you want to save your marriage?  If the answer is yes, you have a hard road ahead of you.  But, before you start down that path, you have to answer this question in the affirmative.

Take a hard look at the state of your marriage.  Is this the person you want to be with in five years?

If not, you don't need to read any further.  Just go down to the closest divorce attorney.

Still with me?  Good.  I'm going to show you how to save your marriage.

Once you have decided that your marriage is worth saving, you can start to do the work that is necessary.  Don't even think about going to the divorce lawyer any more.  You've made the commitment to stick with your relationship.

Now that you have put divorce out of your mind, accept that there will have to be changes in the relationship.  If you want the relationship to work more than your partner does, then you are the one who is going to have to do the most changing.  That's a simple fact.  It is like the person who has the bigger aversion to messiness usually does the most cleaning around the house.  The person who wants the relationship to work more will have to do the most changing.

You have to be prepared to talk more too.  Set aside time to get to know your partner once again.  If he or she has hobbies that they are willing to share with you, get involved even if you are not all that into darts or scrap-booking.

If your partner is willing to agree to it, marriage counseling may be what you need to save your marriage.  A relationship counselor or therapist will be able to look at your marriage from the outside, ask probing questions, and get you to open up to each other.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Once you have the idea out of your head, you will be able to work on what is real and what is good.  These are the standards you should be applying to your marriage.  

Do you want to save your marriage?  Good.  But know the hard work lies ahead.

How To Save My Marriage

Do you wonder "how to save my marriage?" This article tells you how to save your marriage.

First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship.  Some common troubles include:

·    Money concerns
·    Child rearing difficulties
·    Lack of sex
·    Lack of communication
·    Loss of identity

And, of course, there are many others.  You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage.  

When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.

In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation.  If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step.  

If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day.  You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.  But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other.  A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.

Take some romantic time each week.  For some couples, this means reinstating a date night every week.  On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall.  As you can see, this doesn't have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.

As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you.  You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by " get this" you!  Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.

You need to have faith in your partner.  You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work.  You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them.  If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.

Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness.  If your partner has made mistakes, even major ones, you must be able to forgive.  If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage.  

Everyone makes mistakes.  Some people make big mistakes.  If that person makes a genuine apology, which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change, they deserve forgiveness.

This article gave you answers to that perplexing question, "how to save my marriage".

The Best Way To Save Marriage Embrace Conflict

From Divorce Rights

In many states, all a husband or wife has to do to end the relationship is state to the court that there are "irreconcilable differences" and the court will grant the divorce.  But, in any marriage, there should be irreconcilable differences.  The best way to save marriage is to embrace the conflict that is inherent in a close partnership between two people.

We often think of divorcing couples as the ones who screamed at each other all of the time.  But if these couples can communicate their needs through elevated voices, they are actually doing better than the couple that avoids all conflict at the cost of expressing their needs and beliefs.

It is these silent couples who need to save marriage through embracing conflict.

While no one is suggesting that emotional and verbal abuse is a good thing for a relationship, couples who don't acknowledge that there are problems and differences are actually more likely to split up according to Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who runs the Love Lab.

So, if you want to save a marriage, you need to learn how to communicate and express your differences.  Here are some tips for communication in marriage:

·    Allow enough time for proper communication.  If you are not spending enough time together to air your differences and share your strengths, you will find your relationship is in trouble.  Work on building couple's time back into your life.  For instance, make a point of eating dinner together several times a week or going out on a date very week.

·    Really listen when your partner speaks.  It is amazing how much we tune out our partners.  He or she may be telling you what you need to know.  But, if you are not listening, it is all in vain.

·    Find out why your partner is annoyed.  When your husband or wife is being particularly grumpy, find out what is really going on.  Sometimes, it may be that you have done something that has annoyed them.  Other times, it may be that something completely unrelated has occurred.  But you won't know unless you ask.

·    Get inside his or her world.  As couples begin to drift apart, they start to live in separate worlds.  When you make an attempt to get inside his or her world, you may just save the marriage.

·    Stop judging.  Express what needs you have and listen to your spouse's needs.  But, don't be quick to judge or criticize.

·    Be honest.  One of the biggest problems for people who don't like conflict is that they can't be honest about what they want and need.  When you start to express honest opinions about things, you will begin to save marriage.

Marriage is hard work.  But, if it is worth it to you to save marriage, you will do the work.  That means more communication, and yes, more conflict.

Stop My Divorce

Divorces are at an all time high.  Sometimes it seems that it's easier to get a divorce than to get married. 

People get hurt in divorce.  The parties are forever scarred.  Children, if there are any, never get over the hurt.  Knowing this, you may be wondering "How do I stop my divorce?"

There are three steps to stopping a divorce.  

The first thing that you have to realize is that saying you've changed does not mean you really have changed.  If you are the person who is at fault in the relationship, it's not enough to give lip service to the idea of change.

If you have been having affairs, for instance, it is going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways.  It is not enough to tell your partner that you're not stepping out anymore.  You will have to take concrete actions.  As an example, you may need to allow your partner to monitor your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis.  If your job requires you to travel, you may have to look for a new job that keeps you close to home.

Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship.  For instance, if the wife's spending habits are causing money problems which weaken the marriage, she may have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance.  If the husband's work habits keep him away from home too often, he may have to commit to being home by 6:30 every night no matter what.  At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life?  If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes.  But don't just give lip service to them.  Actions speak louder than words.

The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce.  Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage.  Telling your partner, "but I love you" in the heat of an argument will not win you any points.  When you say "I love you" at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say "I love you, BUT"  this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.

Use the powerful I love you message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument.  

You can't use logic or guilt to change your partner's mind.  Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument.  If you feel you must win, then you will lose.   

Finally, don't think that you can win an argument.  Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to prove they are right and their partner is wrong.  This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it's sure to fail.  Instead of arguing, solve the problem.  If your spouse brings up a fault in you, discuss possible solutions rather than argue back.  

Are you wondering how to stop my divorce?  Start by following the stop my divorce advice I've laid out in this article.

Restoring Trust in Relationships Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

Image by TalAtlas via Flickr

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it. This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.


7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Image by law_keven via Flickr

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.